A Voice In the Crowd

It takes a while for everything to sink in and settle. As for this blog, I feel the need to express my feelings about the tragedy that almost tore my country apart. Honestly, when it comes to situations like this one it's hard not to have an opinion or take sides. So to hell with this, freedom of speech can rule my life for today. 

When a hint of the end came through whether it was from the television or radio, I was more than certain that everyone had their hopes up and let go of the breaths they've been holding for too long. Days and nights of living in fear thinking that perhaps a millisecond on an ordinary day, a stranger might come by to take away their houses, loved ones, and lives when truth is, they weren't even in debt to any of these strangers they fear. Their businesses that they've been running in and out for the past 20 years on familiar streets built outside their homes since the time of their ancestors, lit to flames, burning, disintegrating. The small joys of everyday life of getting a simple thanks or a simple smile from strangers that come by to make the business you run actually keep going. The money they earn not to live life in luxury, but to keep them and their families waking up every morning. We all took part in helping the survival rate of the whole and that is exactly why the failure of some to help out could lead to the fall of everyone.

Yesterday was the first day I was out wandering the finally un-intruded streets of Bangkok. Pictures and videos I've seen through screens were nothing compared to standing a few meters away from the now ghost buildings that miserably stand in the very center of our city. Walking pass shattered windows and staring at the remains of Central World, I could barely feel the ground beneath my feet as a million of thoughts rush through my mind as the image hits. This place that had been seen as a symbol of luxury and wealth was a man's creation. Does it really matter how many coins he has in his pockets or how many bank notes are bundled up in his safety deposit. This "mall", was his property, sweat and tears, goals and ambitions, and it was his gift to the people of Bangkok like you and me now destroyed by the traitors of this city and others from outer provinces that possibly has never even stepped their feet into it-not mentioning the fact that they have zero memories inside it compared to most of us. Somewhere along the line, some people ignored the fact that places meant more than buildings, floors, steps, walls and columns when in reality, places give you the sense of existence. 

Unlike holes in concrete, buildings, and streets, ones left in our hearts can't easily be cured. 

Dear Insomnia

Please please please go away.

I've been having such a hard time getting to sleep after getting off that medication and now I never ever feel tired or sleepy or anything close to that. 

what to do what to do what to do?

Out of desperation, I am now blogging. So tossing and turning, I keep thinking of how much is going to happen in this upcoming week. Getting my new camera and taking that trip to Koh Samui. Hopefully come back with a few short film clips and decent photos I hope. I also discovered earlier today that my analogue SLR camera lens ...can be used with my DSLR which is pretty sweet cus all of a sudden now I have 3 camera lens instead of just 1. So a little bit about my analogue film camera. It's the Nikon F3 which has been produced in the year of 1984 and it's the limited edition. Basically, a gift from my dad to my brother and now to me. Here's something a bit special about the camera:

^ Well here's a picture first, I found that online. Mine actually has a much more badass lens than that. Pfff.

"Unlike normal chrome camera bodies, the first version of the F3/Ts finish has an exterior coating of the original titanium metal color, underneath the coating was a pure 99.6% Titanium metal which has a strong reputation in industrial applications for its extraordinary properties. (It was replaced by a black paint version later in 1984 and making the beautifully crafted Champaign finish F3T one of the most sought after Nikon F3 body now)."

 - according to 

http://www.mir.com.my/rb/photography/hardwares/classics/nikonf3ver2/variations/f3limited/index.htm

Interesting.

 

Don't ask me much because truth is, I barely know much about this camera. Since I got it, I've used it....maybe for 4 months then I kinda ran out of money to keep buying film and getting it processed. Oh, and not to mention I'm scared of the dark so staying in the darkroom for more than 5 minutes would probably drive me insane. But, I'd love to get back to it sometime though. Great to know how to use film cameras and manual lenses. 

Now, as for the new DSLR that I'm getting. The Nikon D90. Yes, I had to make a decision between the Canon 550d and the Nikon D90 and finally I've made up my mind. So I read up a bunch of facts comparing the two cameras, and since I've been using my friend's D90 for a while, it made the most sense to me that I end up buying that model. So I hope to be shooting some films with this camera since it has a movie mode (although I gotta be careful with the amount of frames I use up because moving pictures take up way more frames than normal still pictures - obviously) and after a certain amount of frames used...I think it's around 100,000 frames, my camera would go berserk and stop functioning then I'll need to buy a new one and there goes another burn in my wallet. 

goodbye baby

Now, goodbyes are always the hardest part of....anything and everything. And in order to buy this new camera I hope to, I have to sell my old one which happens to be my first. The Nikon D40x. Although I've learnt a lot from it, it's time somebody else does. It was great for me when I first started off but now I've grown out of it. Heartbreaking. 

Alright, I'm done with all the geeking out for tonight. Peace out :-B

A Pill and I'm Here, Another and I'm Gone

As we know now, my health isn't really being the most functional thing at the moment. That's why I might as well blog while I'm still making sense, at least I hope I am. There are these pills that are meant to help me get better with the cold that I caught last week and I've been on it since then. Thing is, along with those pills are 5 other different kinds of pills that I need to take for my sore throat, headache and all that crazy stuff your body does when it's not necessarily co-operating with you. The best drug dealer? The doctor/ pharmacist and then your parents. So anyway, alone, the pills that are meant to help me breathe better is supposed to make me really 'drowsy' but then added with the 5 other ones equals one huge party in my brain. BUT! I am recovering, I'm just having interesting experiences with recovery this time.

So to document how I feel, well before I sleep I'm pretty much out of it and my brain starts to function in this abstract way and I'm thinking about everything from giant caterpillars to Eminem to running away from strange girls. Then when I wake up, I've escaped from the strange girls and now buying myself a hotdog in the middle of downtown in an unknown country, oh, then I go brush my teeth and all of a sudden I'm back in my own bathroom facing the familiar sink. Throughout the day, I can barely tell what's real and what's not anymore, everything is all a blur then the cycle goes on, and on, and on all over again. Trippiest antibiotics ever. 

Apart from that though, I've been painting lately. So I've finished 2 acrylic on canvas paintings so far 70x70 cm. In which I'll post both of them here. Enjoy!

These Walls Don't Speak To Me Anymore

What a relief, I've finally done something different.

This is exactly what I've been deprived from and today it's finally done.

Black & White series, hope you like them.

Dead in Photographs

So here I am, my country in flames and my throat still somewhat burning from sickness. I had a lot of time to sit myself down and think about what I want to achieve in photography. A close friend/ professor has witnessed, as well as questioned me with what I want to do with the pair of eyes I was given. Dumbfounded, I had no answer to the question.

But summer air has come around again and it seems as if the skin becomes more fond of absorbing inspiration that come by. If I was so into fashion why do I keep reading about photographers that have no association whatsoever with fashion? Why do I keep losing myself in photographs of streets and unattended faces? Why am I not drooling over photos of shoes and fabric and thinking to myself "wow what wonderful colors and patterns this one's got" because when it comes down to this, fine art is still nevertheless, in my blood. 

Having idols such as Philip-Lorca DiCorcia and Gregory Crewdson will take me far down this endless road. I admire their creativity, ambitions, and how much they're in touch with humanity. Strange how many out there would misunderstand or misinterpret artists including photographers as selfish beings who never care for their surrounding when the works that these artists produce scream louder than anyone could even open up their mouths to obnoxiously yell "But I care."

DiCorcia in one of his series "Heads" took the initiative to capture "raw" emotions and expressions of passer-bys. To do this, he marked a spot near the Time Square subway station, installed a flash hidden in a tree, and hid himself a certain distance away from that spot. When someone he found interesting walked by over the spot, he would trigger the flash from above and take a shot of the person from where he hides with a powerful tele lens. Overall he took a bit over a thousand photos and ended up with 24 final for his series. So tell me do you know anyone who would wake up in the morning everyday and think to themselves "today I'm going to come up with a badass idea and nail it"? So far not me, and possibly not you either but that's exactly what we gotta start doing with our lives rather than wasting away. 

As for Crewdson, it was one boring day for me waiting for late appointments because hey it's thailand and barely anyone's on time. Although I don't read, something strange pulled me into Kinokuniya bookstore that day and I sat down with a book called Twilight (no, not cheesy-ass Edward the supposedly 'hot' vampire). It was a series of photos called 'Twilight' shot by Gregory Crewdson. Turning the pages, it took my breath away bit by bit and soon after I found myself holding my breath just to see the next photo that follows. A balance between cinematography and fine art is where I would put him. And although caught in between the two genres, it is exactly what I admire him for. The pictures seem to move and pull me right into the middle of the scene. I was damn well occupied for a few hours and surely forgot all about the appointment completely. 

Although studio photos are fun and great to learn techniques for lighting and such, I'm now ...sort of bored with it. (I know, I do get bored easily). And in relation to my blog title, I feel the need to stop taking still photos now since everything is starting to appear dull to me. I'm in need of something that would move me. So once I get my new camera after all this country's mess clears up, I'm definitely up for more. 

So, to clarify what the hell it is that I'm blabbering on and on about and why there's so much blabber today. I'm going to post some photos here by the two aforementioned photographers to perhaps put your confused minds at ease- at least I hope it will :)

^  although not from the series 'Heads' I quite like this one

^ from series 'Heads'

^ from series 'Heads'

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^ all 3 photos from 'Twilight'